Self-care failure

Before Easter I made a post about self-improvement. Before I went home for the holiday, I made a chart/calendar encompassing all the things I wanted to do:

• How many cigarettes I'd smoked that day
• 3 things I'm thankful for
• Whether I'd done exercise
• Whether I'd done yoga
• Whether I'd meditated
• What time I woke up

How this failed:

• I was putting way too much pressure on myself to do all these things at once, and it probably pushed me a bit further down. I thought I was taking baby steps, but I was still trying to take too many baby steps.
• When I didn't complete a task or goal I set myself, like not writing down the 3 things, waking up at noon, smoking more than 4 cigs etc, I could always see the chart, mocking me. Eventually my mum ripped it up after we had a tearful chat about what I was doing to myself.
• I thought I was getting better straight away, but these things take time and I really was pushing myself way too much. 

What went well (it wasn't all bad):

• I did manage to go for a 4.5 mile walk/run (was supposed to be a jog but I'm quite unfit) with a friend along the beach on a sunny day, and did a few walks down cycle paths, up hills and along the beach.
• Because it was Easter, I did eat a fair bit of chocolate, which I felt guilty about, but I otherwise tried to eat healthily, with mum supporting me - like when we had spag bol for dinner, my mum and I had it with spinach instead of spaghetti.
• I didn't manage to do as much work as I planned in the first 2 weeks of holiday, which got me down further, but I did manage to get my mum to sit with me and push/motivate me in the last week - so I finished some stuff for Visual Language and the last Vis Com brief.

What I'm going to do now:

• NOT change my smoking habits. There's still a lot of pressure and smoking is a coping mechanism for stress, so I'll try to quit again in summer.
• NOT meticulously write down 3 things I'm thankful for. I think it became more of a habit rather than a help - I was just doing it for the sake of completing the chart and not actually thinking about it.
• NOT push myself to do loads of exercise or yoga straight away. I've started walking up the 5 floors to my flat by stairs instead of using the lift, as an added bit of exercise. I still always use the stairs at uni too.
• I am managing mostly to read before bed instead of watching TV, even if I still go to bed late.
• I do still write little post-it note mantras around my room to keep my positivity flowing.